An Open Letter to My Three Children

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open letter

In 2015 I wrote an open letter to my three children. It was inspired by the Jim Collins post I read titled “How I failed my daughter and a simple path to wealth” and Cait’s Flander’s article “An Open Letter to High School Students.” I figured this was a good time as any to write an open letter to my three children.

At the time they were ages sixteen, sixteen and thirteen. I can feel our time together as one big family slipping away. I knew this time would come. The twins at age sixteen were involved in school, sports, after-school activities, friends, part-time jobs, college prep, driver’s education, etc. Mom and dad were not very high on their priority list, and that’s okay. They are at a time in their lives where they need to try things, experience things, and fail at things. I would never want them to have regrets. To avoid them if that means they need to skip dinner with mom and dad, so be it.

I’m sharing my open letter from 2015, as well as providing an update.
I just want my three kids to know, no matter where their lives take them, there is always room at the dinner table for you.

2015’s Open Letter

Dear Children,

I have always wanted the very best for you. When you were first born, that may have meant expenses baby gear and clothes. I know better now, what I really mean and better understand today is that you are healthy, and happy in anything you do. When I was your age, I learn a lot from my mom and dad, your grandparents. There were times where I thought I knew better than them, but over time as I got older, I realized that they were probably 99% right in most cases because they too wanted the best for me.

Your grandparents did their best to prepare me for my life as an adult, teaching me the basics, how to take care of myself, how to cook, clean, do laundry, right from wrong, manners, and basic finances like balancing a checkbook. Did they make mistakes, sure, all parents do. I learned from those mistakes, and I’d expect you to learn from mine.

Now I consider myself a pretty smart guy. Maybe even more intelligent than grandpa and grandma, considering I was the first to attend college and the technology I grew up around. Now that doesn’t mean I never called grandpa or grandma to ask for advice or ask a question. It’s one of the things I miss since grandpa has passed away, the ability to pick up the phone and chat with him. I still have that opportunity with grandma, and even at my age, I can learn from her experience.

Learn from My Experiences

Please take advantage of my forty-five years on this earth. I have experienced many highs and lows in my life. I have had happy and sad times. Others have hurt me, I have had fights, I have been sorry, and I’ve apologized. I’ve put my foot in my mouth more than once. I’ve been rejected, I’ve been told no for a lot of things. I’ve lost my wallet. I’ve lost a job and even lost some loved ones too. The point is if you are experiencing something for the first time and need help with it, I bet I’ve been through it already and might be able to help. Most of all, learn from the mistakes I’ve already made.

Learn from My Mistakes

I think the biggest mistake I’ve made is the handling of money for the first twenty-plus years of my life.  I never gave it much thought. I followed the herd. I wasn’t thinking for myself when it came to my money. Money has been a big topic of discussion in our house for several years now. You probably know more about money management as a teenager than I did in my thirties. That’s an incredible head start for you.

Don’t ever forget the fifty months when we paid off our debt, the sacrifices that were made, the extra hours that were worked, how often we had to say the word “no.” That time in your life should be a reminder of why debt is one of those bad four-letter words, and you should avoid it. Debt will only add stress, frustration, and anger to your lives. Learn from that fact that mom and dad did not have a plan for their money that we overspent for years, and at the end of it all didn’t have much to show for it.

If you follow the basic personal finance principles, you will be rich in so many ways.

  • Have a plan for your money
  • Spend less than you make
  • Pay yourself first
  • Understand the power of compound interest
  • Have an emergency fund
  • Define a “Why”

Money is a tool you will use for the rest of your lives, please make sure you understand it, learn about it, and master it. The great thing about this list is if you ever get tripped up on any of them, we can openly discuss them. We have been doing that for years now.

I’m excited about your futures. I cannot wait to see how each of your lives unfolds. I’ve said many times before if I could go back in time and tell my twenty-year-old self one thing it would be about having a plan for my money, but then I realize there’s no need to go back in time because I have three future opportunities to help get it right.

2019’s Open Letter

My three children are now ages twenty, twenty, and seventeen. The twins are working this summer before they return to college for their junior year. My youngest son is returning to high school for his senior year in September. He reached a few milestones this summer. He passed his driver’s test and is now a licensed driver and landed his first job.

All three are clear on the career directions they would like to pursue. I have a future animator, computer programmer, and a chef.

The twins have had their share of learning experiences after college, from some personal challenges dealing with the transition to college, and have witnessed some varied paths taken by friends with both success and failure.

Overall they seem like they are on the right path. They are happy, have not dabbled in credit cards, and work pretty steady to save money to be used during the semester. My youngest son is now learning how to manage his own money. Although he’s had a bank account and debit card for some time, he’s never had a steady source of income. All three have active social lives and get along with each other well.

As their dad, I’m hoping they continue down this path. They all seem to be heading the right way, not always the straight path, but they get there eventually.

I wanted to provide an updated open letter, but I’m not sure if there’s a lot to add. I’ll just simply leave them with a few more thoughts:

  • Find time to laugh
  • Learn to live simple
  • Don’t let things outside of your control rule your life
  • Find the right work/life balance.
  • Help others
  • Don’t waste your time, trying to fix someone else’s stupidy
  • Love yourself first

Mom and I can’t wait to see your lives unfold. We’ll be cheering you on, and know we are always here for you.

Love,
Dad

48 thoughts on “An Open Letter to My Three Children”

  1. Very well said!! That’s great advice and something fun to look back on when you’re grandpa 🙂
    Thanks for sharing!

  2. Awe that was beautiful Brian! I think as teenagers we think “our parents do not understand us,” but now that I’m at the same age you are, it doesn’t seem that long ago that I went through the troublesome teen years. You seem like such a great dad and I hope your kids take that to heart!

  4. “Three future opportunities…” beautiful. This is excellent Brian. I keep thinking about all the things I want my kids to know, but it’s probably best to wait to sum it up until they’re teenagers. Then at least they’ll know how to say their name, tie their shoes, and some basic addition. Right now, my list is too long! 🙂

  5. This is great Brian. Very inspiring. I’m sure your children will appreciate this letter very much, if not now then later.

    One of the greatest gifts I received from my parents was the comfort and ability to talk about anything. Communication is so extremely important. It’s the fastest medium to teach children. Even though they never really taught me like a teacher does, the fact we had many conversations about many topics made me respect my parents a lot at a very early age. It made me realize they actually were right 99% of the time.

    Being 23, I think I can easily remember and say, that communication was key in my family.

    Loved the letter and good luck with everything. I’m sure you’ve had your hands full with 3 children, but I’m sure it’s all been worth it.

    Peter

  8. “I realize there’s no need to go back in time because I have three future opportunities to help get it right”…what a wonderful sentiment! I hope your children are able to take those lessons to heart and to avoid some of those regrets.

  12. Simple lessons produce great results. If we don’t teach our kids then what do we expect to happen. I find most kids turn out like their parents and if there are problems then they continue throughout the generations. Building wealth is simple but sometimes we make it way to complex. A little education early on will be more valuable then the money they earn later on because they will know what to do and how to react to money. Very nice.

  14. A wonderful letter here. I think this is what every parent wants to see their children do. Hopefully they’ve learned well from their father!

  15. This is such a lovely letter, Brian! Your love for your kids and your hopes for them are so palpable. I love how you put it about your twins — they are at an age when they need to make some mistakes. So few of us actually learn by someone telling us not to do something — rather we learn by doing and sometimes by screwing up. So while I wish my parents had written me a letter like this, warning me off of debt, I also know I needed to make some of that mistake myself. But since your kids were actually there during your five years of debt repayment, something tells me they already feel like they’ve learned that lesson ten times over!

    • Thank you. I think them seeing the before and after results of our debt will be the biggest lesson for them, but if the happen to forget I’ll certain remind them. 🙂

  18. This is just beautiful Brian. Your kids will love you for it. All good advice and something I wish my parents would have written down for me.

    Enjoyed the post!

  21. Great idea. Many of could have used such a letter when we were young instead of paying so much tuition at the “school of hard knocks.” I hope your kids appreciate (later if not now).

    Great post.

    John

  23. Thank you for sharing this letter Brian. I enjoyed how you tied everything together and let your kids know it is okay to fail. You brought up your own personal story of debt and made the kids part of the process as you paid things off during those fifty months. A big one was saying “no” to your kids which seems to be difficult for a lot of parents today. Keep up the great work you are doing to help your kids get that solid footing as they become adults.

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