We’ve all been there. A colleague sighs dramatically, mentions their four hours of sleep, and details their packed schedule with a strange mix of complaint and pride. While they appear to be sharing their struggles, there’s something else happening beneath the surface – stress bragging.
I recently watched a fascinating exchange that perfectly captured this phenomenon. A visibly exhausted worker complained about their overwhelming workload, early mornings, and working through lunch. Rather than receiving the sympathy they expected, they were called out for “stress bragging” – and the conversation revealed some uncomfortable truths about this common workplace behavior.
Why We Stress Brag
The psychology behind stress bragging is surprisingly straightforward. When we constantly highlight how stressed and busy we are, we’re often trying to signal our importance and value. We want others to see us as indispensable. As was pointedly observed in the exchange I witnessed, “When we don’t feel wanted, we make ourselves feel needed.”
This hit home for me. How many times have I found myself in conversations where I’m subtly (or not so subtly) emphasizing my workload? The realization is uncomfortable but necessary – stress bragging often stems from insecurity about our place in the organization.
The Backfire Effect
According to a 2024 study mentioned in the conversation, stress bragging doesn’t actually achieve what we think it does. Instead of making us appear important and valuable, it often makes us seem:
- Incompetent at managing our workload
- Poor at setting boundaries
- Inefficient with time management
- Stressful to be around
This “backfire effect” means our attempts to appear valuable through stress actually diminish how others perceive our capabilities. When we constantly talk about being overwhelmed, colleagues may question our ability to handle responsibility rather than admire our dedication.
No one, and I mean no one, is ever paying you to be stressed out.
That statement stopped me in my tracks. It’s brutally honest and completely accurate. Companies hire us for results, not for our ability to be overwhelmed by work.
A Better Approach to Demonstrating Value
Rather than showcasing stress, we should focus on demonstrating competence. This means highlighting:
- Creative solutions to problems
- Efficiency improvements we’ve implemented
- Successful project completions
- Effective collaboration with others
These positive demonstrations of capability make a much stronger case for our value than any amount of stress bragging ever could. They show that we’re not just busy – we’re effective.
I’ve started to notice how the most respected people in my workplace rarely talk about how stressed they are. Instead, they discuss challenges in terms of solutions they’re implementing. Their focus stays on outcomes rather than obstacles.
Breaking the Habit
Recognizing stress bragging is the first step to stopping it. When I catch myself about to mention how early I woke up or how many emails I’ve answered, I pause and ask: “Am I sharing this information to be helpful, or am I seeking validation?”
If it’s the latter, I try to redirect the conversation toward something more constructive. This isn’t about denying stress exists – it’s about changing how we frame our relationship with work and our value within it.
The next time you feel the urge to stress brag, remember that true indispensability comes from competence, not chaos. Your colleagues will appreciate your solutions more than your sighs, and you might find yourself actually feeling less stressed when you’re not constantly reinforcing your stress narrative.
After all, sometimes the best response to overwhelming stress isn’t to broadcast it – it might just be to take a nap and come back refreshed, ready to tackle challenges with clear-headed competence.